i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize