O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
