What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
