make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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