Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
