He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
