Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
