If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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