is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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