Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
