i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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