Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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