There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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