then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
