a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you would pick up someone in the library
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
