i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
