Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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