I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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