forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize