I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
