Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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