You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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