just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
