he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
