you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize