Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
