Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
