I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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