we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
