As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
