I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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