i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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