Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just high enough for therapy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
