also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
