You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
not ubering you a puppy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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