She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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