This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
