Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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