I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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