The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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