Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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