I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
