My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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