if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
