South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
