cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
