Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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