I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
