KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
