last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
