I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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