I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
