Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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