I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
