You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
