Kiss
Puke
We need to rekindle our bromance
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
