i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
