I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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