Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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