Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
