You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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