i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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