Can i not drive my cunt home
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
