I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
