I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
