i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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