I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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