Got a toothbrush?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
