Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
