It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
