Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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