Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
