I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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