No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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