I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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