Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
