It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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