The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
