what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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